Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
