she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
