I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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