So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
