Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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