we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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