just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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