Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
