I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
