You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
