well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
