I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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