You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
