No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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