im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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