Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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