She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize