I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
