How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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