I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
