Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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