Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
