ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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