At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
