Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
