just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize