Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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