Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
