I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize