I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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