You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Randomize
