I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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