I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
