Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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