I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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