I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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