forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i think we sleep fucked last night...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
