Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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