Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
