***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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