Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
