my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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