Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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