hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
