Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
