we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
