My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
