im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
