you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You took a bar mat shot.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
