in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just forgot I was standing up.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
