This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
