planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
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