I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
