We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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