i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
