apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
