He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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