scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
