What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
