i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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