Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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