you're like a bully in the Christmas story
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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