He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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