tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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