Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
