told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
