I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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