yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
