Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
