Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
