I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
