I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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