just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
