I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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