You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
